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Nov. 29th, 2019 05:25 pmIt's actually not exactly 30 days since my last confession, but whatevs.
The big thing is that as of today, the last of the front porch remodel is done--every last job is done except ours (which is to resuscitate from this). I will wholeheartedly say that it looks amazing. It really does, and I can honestly say I'm glad we did the work. We've increased our outdoor seating in the front, which was always a thing, and there are now really awesome gutters and soffits all the way around, which really HAS been a thing. D says there are a ton of other improvements, but then he starts speaking engineer and I tune it out. Is that bad?
I can't even tell you how pleased I am to finally have this work done. What, six months? Eight? (My last snide joke was to estimate Halloween. I could never have imagined Thanksgiving, let alone Black Friday.) Not that they were working that whole time, which, fine, but when they finally started, I was working from home, on a two day marathon of writing tasks. I stuck it out for just those two days and then came to my senses. I packed us up, and PeterPaws and D and I moved to the other house. Two weeks there. Incredibly quiet. A stretch of normalcy at the same time as I was mapping myself onto this fucking house. (Bennies: fresh mandarins and oranges for breakfast, deer like everywhere, and a surprising and hilarious new morning routine: a dozen crows screaming over the house at approximately sunrise, often landing on our roof with a THUMP and then jumping up and down for a while.)
Just got back here last Saturday. I almost cried with relief. I am so incredibly grateful to be in the position where I can just airily say "oh, my, this noise is just too much! I must retreat to my semi-mansion in the forest until I am less inconvenienced!"
Meanwhile, normal life has a chance to renew and then re-establish. I'm definitely depressed, pretty deeply, and it's certainly an outcome of my ridiculous inability to say no to workprojects that appeal to my ego to do well, but it's also chemical. I am going to have to adjust my meds, I think. Sigh.
What a fucking year this has been. D was in Pakistan twice for extended periods. I lost my Ambrose Cat and my Charlie Meow within weeks of each other. We had huge arguments during the house-buying process, then we actually bought the thing. Hurricanes. New family members appearing and needing to be welcomed. Ongoing fucking chaos with this house renovation. I'll be glad to see the back of this year, truly. The summer was good, and I did good work and stayed on track and focused, but fall semester has just blasted me with a firehose. I've retreated by way of mindless social media, reading a lot of sexy vampire urban fantasy, and just UGH, I say.
Fortunately, I was able to be at home for this whole week. I certainly have work to get done for school, but I've not done it. I'll do it later. I really need to just breathe and NOT work. When I was typing "I certainly have work to get done" I felt a physical repulsion. So, not ready to work!
Good thing I have this gorgeous new front patio to not work on.
Thanksgiving was lovely--as it should be. All of us related, one of us brand new to some of the others, good food and company and talking and sharing communion. I hope that if you are reading this, you had the same experience.
I hate coming here just to spew. I know nearly all of us have left LJ, and I'm no paragon of posting! But I know some folks are still reading, if not commenting, so...I hope for you, as I hope for all of us, that this dormant season brings deep and unseen growth. I wish for stresses to be eased, anxieties recognized and understood, loves to continue, and laughs to be constant.
Hugs.
The big thing is that as of today, the last of the front porch remodel is done--every last job is done except ours (which is to resuscitate from this). I will wholeheartedly say that it looks amazing. It really does, and I can honestly say I'm glad we did the work. We've increased our outdoor seating in the front, which was always a thing, and there are now really awesome gutters and soffits all the way around, which really HAS been a thing. D says there are a ton of other improvements, but then he starts speaking engineer and I tune it out. Is that bad?
I can't even tell you how pleased I am to finally have this work done. What, six months? Eight? (My last snide joke was to estimate Halloween. I could never have imagined Thanksgiving, let alone Black Friday.) Not that they were working that whole time, which, fine, but when they finally started, I was working from home, on a two day marathon of writing tasks. I stuck it out for just those two days and then came to my senses. I packed us up, and PeterPaws and D and I moved to the other house. Two weeks there. Incredibly quiet. A stretch of normalcy at the same time as I was mapping myself onto this fucking house. (Bennies: fresh mandarins and oranges for breakfast, deer like everywhere, and a surprising and hilarious new morning routine: a dozen crows screaming over the house at approximately sunrise, often landing on our roof with a THUMP and then jumping up and down for a while.)
Just got back here last Saturday. I almost cried with relief. I am so incredibly grateful to be in the position where I can just airily say "oh, my, this noise is just too much! I must retreat to my semi-mansion in the forest until I am less inconvenienced!"
Meanwhile, normal life has a chance to renew and then re-establish. I'm definitely depressed, pretty deeply, and it's certainly an outcome of my ridiculous inability to say no to workprojects that appeal to my ego to do well, but it's also chemical. I am going to have to adjust my meds, I think. Sigh.
What a fucking year this has been. D was in Pakistan twice for extended periods. I lost my Ambrose Cat and my Charlie Meow within weeks of each other. We had huge arguments during the house-buying process, then we actually bought the thing. Hurricanes. New family members appearing and needing to be welcomed. Ongoing fucking chaos with this house renovation. I'll be glad to see the back of this year, truly. The summer was good, and I did good work and stayed on track and focused, but fall semester has just blasted me with a firehose. I've retreated by way of mindless social media, reading a lot of sexy vampire urban fantasy, and just UGH, I say.
Fortunately, I was able to be at home for this whole week. I certainly have work to get done for school, but I've not done it. I'll do it later. I really need to just breathe and NOT work. When I was typing "I certainly have work to get done" I felt a physical repulsion. So, not ready to work!
Good thing I have this gorgeous new front patio to not work on.
Thanksgiving was lovely--as it should be. All of us related, one of us brand new to some of the others, good food and company and talking and sharing communion. I hope that if you are reading this, you had the same experience.
I hate coming here just to spew. I know nearly all of us have left LJ, and I'm no paragon of posting! But I know some folks are still reading, if not commenting, so...I hope for you, as I hope for all of us, that this dormant season brings deep and unseen growth. I wish for stresses to be eased, anxieties recognized and understood, loves to continue, and laughs to be constant.
Hugs.
